The Degradation of the Female

To me, it seems that Judaism, fully degrades and dumb-downs females. We females aren’t capable of thinking at such a level that men are capable of. Proof of this is seen in the fact that women cannot learn Gemorah, Kabbalah, etc. Women are just plain stupid and don’t have the capacity of learning. And to ensure that they remain like so, there seems to be a system in place –an unspoken system and rule- to maintain this and continue this throughout the generations.

Teachers and Rebbetzin’s try their dangest to put you down if you seem to be a troublemaker. By troublemaker, I mean, an individual with a mind of her own. And if you happen to appear this way and excel in secular studies and do real poorly in your Hebrew studies (like me!), well, that’s a very good indication that you are a troublemaker and you must be put in your place. So there are various times where I saw this occur to a dear friend of mine (who is also off the derech) and, of course, have had this happen to me on more times than I care to recall. Here are some such examples:

When I was in second or third grade, I recall taking my snack out during snack time. My mother had given me some sort of granola bar. My teacher upon seeing me start to eat this, snatched it out of my hands and said loudly, for all to hear, “Not kosher!!” and vehemently tossed it into the garbage. I was so embarrassed. Utterly and totally humiliated. I was sure my mother wouldn’t send me to school with unkosher food! I told my mother what had occurred and was in tears. My mother was furious and took down the box and tore off the front of it and circled the OU and told me to give this to my teacher the next day. And I did. She said nothing. No apology, no nothing. She established to my whole class that I ate non-kosher food and that was that. Degradation –check!

I studied so hard and for so many hours for my Hebrew studies (Chumash, Navi, etc.). But no matter how hard I studied, the tests were designed in such a way to fail me. Ok, so perhaps I am being a bit touchy and it wasn’t exactly so, but no matter what I did I barely passed if not failed. And it seemed to the pleasure of my teachers that I had done so. This troubled me greatly and I struggled a lot. On one occasion, I approached an A+ classmate of mine and asked her if she minded if I had a look at her exam to compare it with my answers. I was curious how I could have gotten some wrong when I felt they were right, when I knew I had studied so hard and was at my wits end on how else to study for the exams. I remember it clearly.. it was a Chumash test. The classmate obliged and I sat in the back of the classroom during recess and compared my answers with hers. I was stunned. My eyes welled up with tears and I was speechless. I swallowed hard the lump in my throat that was forming and stood up and returned the exam to the classmate that lent it to me and thanked her. I went back to my seat and tucked away my test in my book bag. It was finally clear to me. They wanted me to fail. They wanted to put me down. And they were succeeding. Although my answers weren’t identical to those of my classmate’s, they were correct. Just about every answer was correct. And I was being cheated. I was being put down. It was made clear that what mattered most in Bais Yaakov was the grades in Hebrew studies and not in Secular studies. And apparently I was excelling in the wrong ones and needed to be put in my place. I was a disgrace to my family thanks to the school.

In high school, I had an evil teacher for Hebrew History. Absolutely evil! She was an ancient teacher and had been teaching for years and years. She had granddaughters in the school! What was worse, she could barely stand, and barely be understood and yet they hadn’t told her to retire or fire her. Well, actually, that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was how she would call you names in class and humiliate you if you couldn’t answer a question. I studied so hard for her class. Stayed up late, drove myself crazy till I knew her lessons inside and out. However, every time she called on me, I would just blank out of fear. She had this presence about her that totally intimidated me. And she would call me horrible names in Yiddish. Utterly humiliating. She did the same to others. And you know what? Not a single parent or student complained. Nothing was ever done. I did indeed complain and tried to transfer classes but they refused. Go figure.

Since us females aren’t allowed to learn beyond what we’re taught in Bais Yaakov, the education level is pretty measly when it comes to the secular studies. No one in my class knew that a poem could be something other than a rhyme! I loved poetry! I had taken out lots of books from the public library and truly enjoyed poetry. Our English teacher was trying to prepare us for the Regent examinations and was having us read a few poems and works of literature. I so enjoyed it! Apparently I was the only one. I remember one of my favorite poems Ode on a Grecian Urn. I was the only one that understood it and was able to answer the questions… and apparently, it just made me more of an outcast. All eyes staring at me as if I had suddenly grown a pair of antlers or worse, horns! lol

And what a great shame it is when you see a very Chassidic young girl who is incredibly brilliant in Chemistry. I, on the other hand, not so bright when it comes to Chemistry and sought out a tutor in that area, so that I could pass my exams. I found an amazing tutor! She was utterly and totally brilliant!!! So why is this a shame?? Well, because the most she can ever do or be is a Chemistry teacher in a Bais Yaakov school. She can never be a scientist, go on to discovery perhaps a cure to something, etc. It’s just sad… such brilliance wasted on teaching other Jewish girls who will in turn do nothing further with their lives. This tutor had such an amazing grasp on science and chemistry… such a shame. A sad shame when the females are pretty much worth nothing more than breeding cattle. A terrible cycle… get married young, work like a horse because your worthless husband just sits on his tush all day ‘learning’ while you also try to raise your dozen kids… you marry off the daughters only to have the cycle repeated… slave away, mind turned into mechanical mush… duty, duty, duty. Nothing beyond the duty of what a girl must do. That’s all there is. Degradation, humiliation, deprivation..

What’s worse, I find it hard to believe that they can’t see beyond their little bubble. That they can’t see how much women have accomplished since burning their bras. Women in power, or women who choose to be stay-at-home moms. A CHOICE they made. The very fact that we have the choice is empowering. And yet, this empowerment is snatched away and forever sealed behind a door that women do not even know exists. All that dust from all those centuries of being degraded, and placed in subservience, the dust has hidden the door that opens onto CHOICE. It was incredibly hard for me to find that door, and even harder to push it open… and even more intimidating to be standing face to face with the ability to CHOOSE what I wanted to do with my life. Suddenly, my lifeboat was not under me! This safety boat that already had a place for me in the life that was not of my own choosing, was gone. I was sinking, but not to my death! I was sinking into my LIFE! I suddenly had a life filled with choices that empowered my very being. And I found that I could stay afloat and not drown. I could choose, I could get educated, I could be whatever I wanted to be. Sounds kind of corny to those who don’t understand what it is like to be locked away from the rest of the world, but trust me, it is truly exhilarating and truly momentous to be able to take those first few steps in total independence.