The Why -

I’ve come across some interesting blogs out there that have let me feel that I am not the only one.. So, I thought it’d be interesting to have a blog of my own documenting what I’ve been through and what brought me to where I am today.

First of all let me explain why I call this blog “Frum Girl Gone South.” Once upon a time I was a good little frum girl. This good little frummie decided to think for herself and hence has gone south. Although, technically speaking, I’ve literally moved south and not only moved south in the way I think and believe.

So yes, I came from an orthodox family with a yeshiva education and have decided to think for myself and join the real world outside of the teeny box they wish to keep their own inside of.

How did this come to pass? Oy… quite a looong story, so I will see if I can sum up that which attributed to my being an ex-frummie:

1. Hypocrisy in the Jewish law (more on that later).

2. Hypocrisy within my family (will have to get back to this later).

3. Subjugating females in a very patriarchal culture.

4. No emphasis in the secular studies in a yeshiva school. No preparations for the real world. A small box with only Jewish laws, Jewish studies, Jewish history is taught. Everything else is schmutz. Do not think for yourself; do not yearn for anything outside of your box.

5. Humiliating those that aren’t like the rest. (calling the goyim horrible and degrading names. It’s even written in the Gemarrah or something? Just recall my brother telling me this is what he learned, so don’t quote me on where it is mentioned. BTW –I read somewhere that goy actually means animal. Interesting… eh?)

6. Utter disgust if you have any question about the faith, even when asked in complete and utter earnest and sincerity in order to truly comprehend something taught. When something just didn’t quite add up, when something just didn’t sit well with me, I would stupidly ask about it. Bad me! What was I think!? Asking a question… bad, bad me!

7. Humiliation. ‘nuff said.

8. Manipulation. ‘nuff said.

9. Hypocrisy err wait, I already said that but I think it deserves another line of mention.

10. It’s about how you look to everyone around you that matters and not who you really are. Heaven forbid you are a good person who truly goes out there and does good mitzvoth and not look the part! (i.e. wear a black yarmulke, a kosher shaitel, long enough skirt, etc.)

11. Faith is not fact. Truth is not faith. Faith is not truth.

12. Just because it says so, doesn’t mean it is so! (show me the money! Hehe) Seriously, just because the Torah says so, it is so? Come on! No chance of any loss in translation, proof/evidence, scientifically data/carbon dating to prove any of that which is claimed to have happened and is truth? Any major archeological digs discovering the truth of the Torah? Uhmmm, yah.

13. Giving up free will isn’t very appealing to me. Sorry, I like to think, decide, choose for myself. I don’t like others telling me how to put on my shoes and which one to tie first. Geeez..

14. Everything is pre-determined. Hashem knows all and sees all and even knows what will happen before you know what happens. Uhmm, riiiiight. Guess it falls under free will, really. Or rather, the lack thereof. I never did quite get this. I am told I have choice, I can decide to do good or bad. Yet, Hashem sees what I will choose to do before I do it. Even the mere thought of doing something wrong is a sin. So waitasec, I can’t choose and nor can I actually think, because if I do so, I am sinning. Wait, I am not sinning about choice because I don’t really have a choice, or do I? head spinning… better stop!

15. OK, so, we Jews are the lucky ones- the chosen. Gods people. We so rock, et al. Let's see; exile, guilt, suffering, intolerance, denigration (both us, and them), etc. Wheeew.. I'd hate to be non-chosen! Seriously, here's this supposedly all-powerful, all-knowing omnipotent being who was bored, whipped us up out of the cosmic ether, then gets kind of annoyed, commits genocide on a level beyond which my mind can easily comprehend.. And on top of that, currently has nothing better to do than sit on His throne and judge every act, (verily, e'en ev'ry thought) that goes on in each of millions of people's minds. If I make a mistake, I'll be judged for it. If I think about how to approach a problem, and think of a bad thing, regardless of whether I act on it, I'll be judged. If I imagine making a mistake, I'll be judged. Yet, if I do well- if I undertake an arduous task, one which seems impossible, and succeed, then!! Well, actually, then it's because of God. Never mind that I am the one with the backache, callouses, student loans... It's GOD who made it all possible. Because I alone can never accomplish anything. I am nothing without God. Guilt. Discrimination. Superiority. Intolerance. Doesn't sound to me like God created man. Sounds more like man created God. After all, what could be a better excuse than an invisible man who can make you suffer for an eternity, can't be disproven, and just happens to have conveniently caused it to be written that all of our intolerances are actually law, and must be undertaken? Sounds like an ideal situation, doesn't it?

16. Taking the responsibility away from the individual by requiring one to have to go to a rabbi, so that he can tell you what to do. If he’s right, he’s a great gadol. If he is wrong, well, Hashem wanted things to work out this way, it was meant to be, it’s all for the good, it’s a nisoyon we have to go through, yadda yadda yadda.

17. Rumored I was a black sheep because I chose to go to college. It was the talk of the town! Heaven forbid I decide to not go to Seminary and then off to the chupah to get married to a good little Jewish boy who is learning all day so that I not only have to raise the children but I have to work like a horse as I am the main breadwinner at an underpaid teacher’s job, that btw, I am not fully educated on (remember? I only went to a one year seminary for girls!), in a yeshiva where grandmothers, mothers, aunts, sisters, etc. all work as teachers until they are grey and old and are no longer truly able to teach, yet oy gevalt if one tries to fire them before they die of old age! (Oh, the stories I can tell on this one!! Will have to return another time to tell.. )

18. The sins of the father are the sins of the children. There is NO escape! You truly don't start your life with a clean slate. Your slate is FILLED with sins and such that your fathers (ancestors) have done. Same as the explination of how we still suffer today due to Adam and Chava's actions in Gaan Eden. Being judged based on someone else in your family's choices and suffering for it. Let me clarify; fearing you wont get married because you may not get a good shidduch based on an older siblings decision to leave the derech. Ridiculous, eh? This is sad, but true..

19. Did I mention it’s OK to cheat a neighbor who’s a goy but not ok to cheat your Jewish neighbor? Did you know that if you know, for a fact, that a Jewish child is being abused you are not allowed to report it to social services? You must deal with Jewish issues INSIDE the Jewish community. Most of the time it is swept under the rug. That’s a might large lump ye got on that there rug. Heaven forbid you report the wrongdoings of another Jew to the law enforcement. Which, essentially means, that you can indeed cheat your brother the Jew, because you know he won’t report you. (See now why I can’t stop emphasizing the hypocrisy?)

Wow… I didn’t think this would get as longwinded as it has. I’ll stop for now, ponder some more on things and I am sure to return to rant again.