Shidduch Dance

So one of my sisters is Shidduch dancing.

It's like a dance because you need to know all the proper steps OR ELSE..

I feel for my sister. I really do. She has such a good attitude about the whole thing, so optomistic that she will find her Bashert, but I can see behind all of that. Behind all of the positive attitude that she may display lies a very vulnerable and fragile young girl who is holding back tears.

My sister has gone out with so very many guys that it's ridiculous! However, that is their way and who am I to argue?

She calls me and tells me about her dates. The process still intrigues me and also sickens me.

The whole let me look into your background thing is quite disturbing to me. Isn't just about anyone you have on as a reference in your Shidduch Resume going to state how wonderful you are?

Yes, there's a Shidduch Resume. And I betcha you didn't know there's a huge convention, a get-together of sorts, for all Shadchans to exchange resumes on their prospective young girls and boys.

I honestly don't recall anything like this back when I was younger and still frum. It sounds all so very new to me.

And of course, you can't forget to include a photo of yourself on the resume. Because, if you don't look thin and pretty, the boys parents may decide you're not even worth the trouble and pass right over all your wonderous Midos.

One of my sisters dates really stood out to me. She said she went out with a guy and they got along wonderfully, in fact, they chatted all night and really hit it off! No awkward moment at all, she said. It was like talking to a best friend, she explained to me. Took her forever to get out of the car once he drove her home because they just kept on chatting and laughing and having such a good time.

However, both she and the guy along with the Shadchun (three way phone call) decided that they were not right for each other. Why you may ask? Because they hit it off too well. Because they realized they could only ever be best friends and not husband and wife. WTH!?

I don't know about you, but I consider my husband my best friend. In fact, he comes before any girlfriend. He is my best friend, my husband, my life. He is whom I go to first when I have something I have got to share with someone!

I was flabberghasted when my sister explained what a terrible match they would have been. Just appalled. But what do I know, eh?

Apparently once you are married, you still leave your husband to get together with all your girlfriends in Miami and hang out. You take your kids and go too. You leave the husband behind. He's just someone you cook for, you clean for, and occasionally have sex with in order to procreate.

Wow.

This may not be the case for everyone, I am sure of this (or at least I hope!). Not trying to lump this to all Shiduchs, but it did stand out for me and my heart goes out to my sister. This cannot be fun for her. Even though she says after a failed date that it is one step closer to her Bashert, I know she is hurting. What an awful process to have to go through. Two weeks of investigating into each others backgrounds, going through parental approval first and then and only then meeting. It's gotta be tough.

I never went through this process and I am SO glad of this. All it took was for one guy's parents to look at my photo and say no and I knew this was not for me. If you are going to judge me based on a photo, then you are not worth my time.

I am sure there are dozens of success stories out there and how the couples are so very much in love. And I am sure many are indeed best friends. Personally, I feel there are far too many things wrong with the whole process and it is killing the confidence and self-worth of many young girls. Very sad.